I grew up in an environment that carried a generational emotionally incestuous undercurrent to it. Having enmeshment, neglect and everything between fogging the foundational development of family, home, roots and one’s individuality. These dynamics played out as a continuous childhood experience that felt deeply entangled in where a mother’s needs consumed my sense of self. Complimenting this energetic lack was an absent husband and father experience, one giving no clear roadmap or compass of masculinity, only skewed and shadowed versions of it. This essentially gave rise to survival reaction, an adaptation of roles like the emotional caretaker, the surrogate husband, the “nice guy”, and the “good little boy” to name a few. What these roles all carried in commonality was an internal split, a destructive loyalty, and a castration of one’s own sexual power and their inner authority to carry it out into the world. This led to feeling massively insecure, lacking confidence, and leaving my emotions to get completely out of control, and go unchecked. I had no idea why my life was the way that it was and slept walked through most of it. Though not realizing that life always catches us, it decided to break me open, and definitely more than once. With loss after loss in the relationship department, and multiple injuries and illness slapping me in the face, one including a near death acquired brainstem injury. All these presenting symptoms just seemed to epically mirror the internal experience I had refused to accept and look at. This finally opened my eyes, changed everything, and slowed me down to force me to meet myself in ways I had long avoided. The work began, and sure was messy. Relationships all around; like a painful marriage collapse, disconnected relationships with children, many lost friendships, career, hobbies and interests; all disintegrated. The illusions I clung to were all being stripped away. Carrying this pain without confronting the truth led to re-creating the same dark home atmosphere filled with neglect and unfaced suffering, the one I made a sacred vow to never allow to exist. I hurt the people closest to me, the ones I wanted so badly to love, to contain, to provide for and protect. Instead, I smothered them with a partial, distant, intermittent, controlling version of what I had believed what love was. Underneath these behaviours was the unchecked deep shame, guilt and regret that led me to wandering aimlessly for years without community, especially without brotherhood, and a starvation for connection. All to confirm this selfish narrative of insignificant worth, unlovability and a chronic sense of “Not-Good-Enough-ness.”

 

This pain and confusion made me begin to look desperately for answers and reach out for guidance. There was this deep need to “understand” what was going on and to find out what I could do to shift my life. Pouring myself into this work with that desperation, parasitic need to understand and not having grip on the reality of my attachment frame, only eventually led me to realizing I was weaponizing and bypassing the real necessary work, using self-help as an addictive escape and making countless crazy attempts at short term healing. It fed the part of me that would leak energy to only lustful distant relationship and let to continuously falling short of the “All In” commitment and responsibility needed for real acceptance and forward movement. Reality struck once again, I was no longer willing to tolerate what was going on. In doing so, I dove into the deeper work and eventually got on mission as a social innovator, to begin to give back what was so freely given to me, to reduce human separation and loneliness, and to invite social cohesion, deep connection and genuine belonging back into relationship. This is where Devour2Power came to be.

 

I’ve known sexual compulsion, emotional numbness, isolation, rage, and deep grief. And I’ve learned slowly and imperfectly to confront them, face them, feel them, and find the man beneath them.

 

Now, I walk with other men through the wreckage, not to mollycoddle, rescue, or to fix them, but to help them remember themselves, who they genuinely are underneath all the conditioning and chaos. I offer a space where men can untangle their intimacy wounds, reclaim their sexuality in a healing way, and build honest, grounded, nourishing relationships with others, with their bodies, and with life.

 

This work isn’t just what I do, it’s the path I confront and wake up to live every single day.

 

Just remember “You are not broken; you’re unfinished. There’s a difference.”

 

If any of this was received by that deeper, yearning part of you, let me tell you you’re not alone. “I see you” “I feel you” and “I trust you” to handle what life has here for you. Click the button below to hop on a Complimentary Connection Call and see if this is where you belong?

 

Time to reclaim your innocence and step into your next chapter.

 

Looking forward to “Seeing you on the Inside.”